in desperation

So I know it’s been a while since my last blog post, but I guess I’ll start here.

To start, these past few months have been the most darkest nights of my soul. I know I didn’t seem to start off my post all cheery and happy, but honestly, putting down the mask, that’s now how I’m feeling.

If you were to ask how I’m feeling right now, I would say, confused, frightened, scared, tired, angry, frustrated, and yet joyful.

To be honest, I am confused about everything. I am frightened about tomorrow. I am so exhausted. I am angry that I’m doubting the Lord. I am frustrated that the darkest nights of my soul haven’t finally ended. But somehow, I still have joy.

I have doubted everything about the Lord; including whether He even exists. And it is my doubt that scares me the most. It is my doubt that scares me that the Lord will somehow walk away from me. It is my doubt that tells me that the Lord is upset with me for doubting. It is my doubt that scares me that I will somehow walk away.

And yet in all of this fear and doubt, I still have great joy.

You see, I don’t need to write a long post like my other ones because 1)its not necessary, and 2)the Lord has shown me something that I want to share with you all.

And it’s that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is enough. No matter what you are walking through, no matter what is plaguing your soul right at this very moment, no matter what sin you are struggling with, no matter what anyone has said about you or what you have done, His Gospel is enough.

Did you hear me? HIS GOSPEL IS ENOUGH.

Now is His Gospel a free license to sin, um, NO. It is a daring invitation to follow the One whom your soul was created to love. And in this invitation, we find freedom from our sin, shame and condemnation.

I have been weighed down by shame, guilt, condemnation, you name it, for doubting, BUT the Lord has brought my eyes back to the cross of Jesus Christ.

And it is there that I find that my shame, guilt and condemnation have no place.

You see, I’m so scared of spiritual abandonment by the Lord for my doubt, but my Savior experienced that for me. And I know this because in Matthew 27:46 it is written, “And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice saying, ‘Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?’ that is, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’

He experienced the wrath for my sins that was rightfully mine. He experienced the abandonment from the Father that I should be experiencing at this current moment. He took my shame and nailed it to a cross.

And why? So that at this moment in time, because I have believed and trusted in Him and in His death and His resurrection, the Father would not cast me away. The Father would not abandon me.

So friends, I don’t know what you are wrestling with, be it doubt or not. But one thing I do know is the Lord called me to write this, so I am being obedient to the Father. And another thing I do know is that everything you are wrestling with was settled at the cross. Rest in that truth as I do tonight. Go to sleep. Rest your head.

If you have believed in the One whom God has sent, rest in the truth tonight that at this moment and forevermore the Father sees His perfect and blameless Son when He sees you, and so He calls you His own. And if you have not believed, the invitation lies open. Your Heavenly Father is at the door knocking to your heart, will you let Him in? If you don’t know what it means to follow Christ and want to know, or want someone to talk to, you are more than welcome to message me. I would love to talk.

But to my weary brother or sister in Christ, lift up your head, for your Savior is risen from the dead. Your sin has been dealt with at the cross and the Father calls you His own.  Lift up your head and see His finished work. Rest in the truth of these words tonight, “Tetelestai,” or in english, “It is finished.” – John 19:30

 

well, I’m outtie

-Aleks B.

 

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